I Love You, Yet I Hate You
by superduperducky
Summary: Draco has mixed feelings about Harry after he leaves him. He loves him, but at the same time he hates him. 1 shot, pg-13, slash! DH


**Title: ** I Love You, Yet I Hate You__

**Author: **Superduperducky

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairing:** D/H which means SLASH! If you are against that in anyway then you can leave. Why were you in this section if you are?

I remember everything about him. The way he likes the crust cut off his sandwiches, the side of the bed he likes to sleep on, the way he folds his socks. I remember his every like and dislike, his every curve and muscle, the way his eyes turn a lighter shade of green when he's upset…and damn I miss him so fucking much. Why did he leave me? It was out of no where. Everything was going fine and then BAM! It's over.

* Flashback *

_"Draco, I don't think this is working"_

_"What isn't working?"_

_"You know what I mean Draco"_

_"You've got to be bloody kidding me" I say incredulously._

_"No I'm not"_

_"But _why_?"_

_"They would never accept us, they would shun us"_

_"Harry please. I don't care if they shun us!" I bellow. "As long as I have you" I add more softly. I take his hands in mine over the table but he jerks them back._

"Draco we want different things" 

_"No we don't! We want each other and you know it!" I realize I'm standing but I don't remember getting up. _

_"Draco, please, you're not making this any easier"_

_"Harry! I love you. Why are you doing this to me? To us?" I feel the tears rise in my eyes but I won't let them fall. "Harry, I love you, please don't leave me"_

* End Flashback *

I hate him. I gave him my heart and he just dropped it, shattering it to pieces, leaving me to pick them up and stitch them back together all by myself, all alone, no one to help. He left me feeling empty, emotionless, and unwanted. I hate him…yet I love him.

He was really quite beautiful. He was so modest and critical of himself though. He would look in the mirror and see a hideous beast, but when I look at him I think I'm seeing an angel sent from the heavens. His unruly but sexy, raven hair, his amazing tan, muscle toned body, but the one thing that stood most was his eyes.

I thought I could get lot in those eyes, those deep green pools of majestic emotion, the windows to his soul. One look into them and you knew exactly how he was feeling. I remember that terrible look of hurt in his eyes as he left me. Why did he leave if it hurt so much? Why did he leave me out in the bitter cold?

I wish I could hold you last time Harry. I wish I could kiss you on your perfectly pouted, rose lips. I wish I could be with you just one last time.

But then after that moment of bliss I would want another, and another, and another. You're so addicting Harry, do you know that? I love every fiber of your being, yet I hate them as well.

I miss you Harry. You complete me. You're my other half, my life source. Without you I have no will to live. I slowly let myself deteriorate from the inside out. Your memories claw at my mind, leaving deep gashes of sadness. You left imprints on my heart, not yet to be forgotten.

I have not been eating. And if I do every bite is with agony and pain. I have not been sleeping either. I'm slowly fading Harry. My body is weaving away, soon to leave but a wisp of my former self, just to be blown away by the wind. To leave not a trace of my existence.

Before people are born, they are given a path to follow. You have run off your path Harry. You were supposed to love me, to grow old with me. But you have strayed off the trail into the confusing mess of the world. You left your safe haven…you left me.

I have often thought of suicide, just wiping my presence from the face of the earth as if I was never here.  But I can't help but think 'what if?' What if you realize you made a mistake? What if you realize you're still in love with me? What if you come back to me? Do you dream of me? Do you wake crying or screaming my name? 

I do Harry. I wake up at the earliest of hours, tears staining my pale white cheeks. I wake up screaming your name over and over, begging you to return to me. I go to bed with you on my mind and then dream of you Harry.

Everything I do links me to a memory of you. When I eat, I remember our first date at the Three Broomsticks. When I write I think of the notes we used to pass in class behind the teacher's back. As I walk through the park passing young, passionate couples I am reminded of simply just loving you. 

I miss you so much Harry. I want you wrapped in my arms, but at the same time I want to shove you away for hurting me so. I want to press my lips to yours in a loving kiss, but yet I want to shoo you away. I love you , but yet I hate you for treating me like a toy and then leaving me to rot in pain. But hey, I guess it's like they say.

There's a fine line between love and hate, and you never know when you've crossed it.


End file.
